Interrumpo la serie de KETO101 para traerles este post que escribí en el 2017 para una clase. No me acordaba de haberlo escrito hasta tener una conversación con una muchacha hace uno días que me recordó mucho a esto. Esta en inglés, porque la clase era así, veré si logro traducirlo sin que se pierda mucho. Pero léanlo, NYC really changed me (a quien no?, am I right?) y hoy soy mucho mas que antes, aunque aun tengo parte de estas mismas luchas.
Como siempre digo, WE ALL STRUGGLE. Y honestly we all have a right to do so. Aunque mis libras sean menos que las tuyas, mis complejos pueden ser mayores.
For a girl who loves food, coming to NYC was incredibly exciting. But for a girl who “loves” fitness and cares about staying in shape, it was more like deeply concerning.
The fact that staying fit is a major deal for me and I was coming to a city that has EVERYTHING you can possibly want to eat, basically on every corner (FYI, there are 45,681 eating and drinking places in NYC according to Quora.), had me thinking these were probably gonna be the most challenging months of my “fitness” life. And I was right.
I have a saying: “in NYC, breathing makes you fat”, and even though I’ll continue saying it because it’s honest to God, true! I do have to say, it’s most likely the 4 ice cream cookie sundaes, 4 donuts, 3 cheesecakes, can’t-even-count-how-many pizzas, burgers and/or tacos I stuff my face with every week that does the job.
I’ve always been a food fanatic. I don’t call myself a foodie because I really have no standards. I like pretty much everything you can eat. If you can chew it, or even drink it, if its consistent enough to call food, I will eat it with joy.
So basically, I like food. But I also like to be fit. Which is why the quotation marks on “loves” fitness” I mentioned before. I don’t love getting fit. I love being fit. “Getting” fit means getting up at 5:30am to go push my body to its limits, trying to lift heavy things that shouldn’t be meant to be lifted in the first place. I certainly don’t love running for 30 minutes like a crazy person on a machine that, honestly, makes me feel like a hamster. All of this hurts, it’s uncomfortable, it’s inconvenient and sometimes more challenging than my “fitness loving” self wants to handle. Yes, you feel good after working out and being healthy feels great, but the bottom line is I wish I could be ripped and healthy without doing those things.
The most I’ve weighed in my entire life is 130lbs, and coming here, as of this past Friday the 3rd of March 2017, got me to 142lbs. I didn’t cry because I didn’t want to have to admit that to anyone later, by let me tell you, I cried myself to sleep on the inside that day.
Back home, being ripped is part of my identity… heck, is part of my relationship! People call us “the six-pack-couple” (Pareja Cuadritos). And realizing that that could be gone, made me scared. And then I thought… scared of what? Why is it so important to me that people see me as “ripped”? I’d never realized (or maybe admitted to myself) how my “fit lifestyle” was so dependent on what people thought of me, until now.
“ACCORDING to the United States government, 7 out of 10 American adults think they weigh too much. But a new meta-analysis of the relationship between weight and mortality risk, involving nearly 3M subjects from over a dozen states, illustrates just how exaggerated and unscientific that claim is. Over the past century, Americans have become increasingly obsessed with the desirability of thinness, as thinness has become both a marker for upper-class status and a reflection of beauty ideals that bring a kind of privilege.” says the NY Times.
We are seriously obsessed with being skinny and looking “better”. Gaining these 10lbs has been a process, not an overnight deal, and through all of that process, I’ve felt guilty, I’ve felt scared and deeply concerned that I would not be fit anymore. And half-enjoyed moments that could’ve been so much more. These are thoughts that shouldn’t come due to a meaningless thing like a couple extra lbs. So I stopped myself. I stopped myself from internally crying myself to sleep and stopped me from torturing myself and ruining happy moments for this reason. Ultimately, I made myself understand the following:
- Your worth is not determined by what others think of you. And when that thought came to my mind I was like “c’mon Sharonid, a little bit more cliche please”. But then I thought, it’s not a cliche if you actually need to apply it to your life. You are who you ARE, not what you look like. And that’s what counts. Unless you’re a model. Ha! JK.
- PEOPLE DONT ACTUALLY CARE IF YOU HAVE A 6-PACK. Uhmm… Are you really that conceited!? They will comment on this for, uhm, 2.4 minutes and then, done. They’ll move on. Wake up, girl, your six-pack is not that important to the world. And it shouldn’t be that important to you either.
- You need to know yourself. Knowing the reasons why you do things could liberate you from habits you didn’t even know were affecting your life. Look inward, it’s the first step to change.
- Being fit or being fat is not what determines how happy you are. Choosing to be happy is what determines how happy you are. I decided I would be happy eating delicious things in NYC. I only have so many months here, so I’m going to enjoy them. I will torture myself no more!
- You have to love yourself because you are you. Period. I once read a quote that says “Be yourself, its your superpower.” And my mind was blown. That is actually each and every individual’s superpower. No one else in the entire world has the power to be you. No one can do the things you do the way you do them. And even if they suck (HA), they’re still unique to YOU. Own that shit. That should make you feel special and just… infinite.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I still go to the gym, because I still like being fit. I like being healthy and like looking “good”. What I’m not doing is letting this become a burden for me, a reason for me to deprive myself from other things that also make me happy or let it affect the way I look at myself.
Life is about balance and balance is finding that place in between where you can take in the best of both worlds. And that’s what I’m doing. I am loving myself more than ever, without my 6-pack, (for now :P) and enjoying NYC, eating the things I love, trying new ones and not letting this affect me negatively. That’s what loving yourself means. Just enjoying being you. Whatever that is.
JUSTO 2 años después de haber vuelto de NY con tua’ mis libras demás les diré esto:
Las libras se bajan, el momento? NO VUELVE JAMAS. Yo engordé, rebajé, y heme aquí feli’ como una lombri’. If I could go back me comiera LO MIMO o masssss (omaiga el Ben & Jerry’s en la equina’ de la uni).
Enjoy te moment people. Enjoy the process. Encuentren el balance entre el pursuit of the body you want and enjoying your life NOW. Si no, se le van los dias, los meses y los años sufriendo por algo que honestamente no vale la pena.
LAS LETRICA’ CHIQUITA’ AL FINAL DEL CONTRATO
(Enfasis en la palabra balance no se vaya a debocar’ por ahi jartandose’ como una cherna porque Sharonid dijo que viva el momento. No. Stay true to your goals and your jour journey. But enjoy it. #paredesufrir)